It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
