Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
