I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
