I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think I just sharted jello shots
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