haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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