my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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