You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
