you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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