how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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