So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
