I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
vagina is talking i cant
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
