why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize