so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
