It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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