The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
