You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize