What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
