it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
