I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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