she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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