its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
