I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
