all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
