Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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