to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize