What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize