So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
