Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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