i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
