They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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