haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
