Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
