There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
