Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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