Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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