Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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