I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
