He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
