sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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