i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
