I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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