Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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