Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
