STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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