My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
