That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
