Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
