I'm gonna have a badass scar
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
