Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
