Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
