i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize