We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
