so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
