I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
