I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
