It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize