Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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