My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
