So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
