Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
