my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
