Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
