i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
