i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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