i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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