Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
