he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
