bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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