When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
