Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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