i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
