Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
