Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
