the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
