toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
