I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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