We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize