The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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