I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
