He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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