A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i now understand why vodka
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
