I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
