she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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