we have officially lost it.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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