hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
