Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
