it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
