Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
