No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
