whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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